I ran a contest at the Joyfully Reviewed chat last Thursday asking readers to send a holiday joke and a “walks into a bar” joke. I had to test the jokes on my girl friends, and I have the results. Becky won a copy of PURE SEX. This was the winner for the “Walks into the Bar” joke:
A man walks into a bar and starts pouring down the beers. Burp. Having had one too many, the man was beginning to display an ugly side. An unescorted female sat down beside him and he whispered to her, “Hey! How about it babe? You and me?” As she got up to move, he said loudly, “Honey, you sure look like you could use the money, but I don’t have an extra two dollars.” She looked back and replied just as loudly, “What makes you think I charge by the inch?”
Congrats, Becky!
Danny had the winning holiday joke, although I have to say, I could’t remember all 20 items on the list after the first martini! Congrats Danny! Danny won a cover of NIGHT SPELL.
Five ways to confuse Santa Claus
- Instead of milk and cookies, leave him a salad, and a note explaining that you think he could stand to lose a few pounds.
- While he’s in the house, go find his sleigh and write him a speeding ticket.
- Leave him a note, explaining that you’ve gone away for the holidays. Ask if he would mind watering your plants.
- While he’s in the house, replace all his reindeer with exact replicas. Then wait and see what happens when he tries to get them to fly.
- Dress up like the Easter Bunny. Wait for Santa to come and then say, “This neighborhood ain’t big enough for the both of us.
Jennifer won an honorable mention with a funny pirate joke. I’ll send her some bookmarks and cover flats!